I Understand Him

Understanding your man is very important in any successful marriage. Many times women get frustrated because their husbands seem not to be listening to them. Therefore, they resort to nagging. This in turn produces a counter-effect, it makes their husbands retract and keep to themselves. Therefore, there is a need to strike a balance, help women communicate their good intentions to their husbands in helping the husbands become better persons.

Nagging never works

Many women nag without even realizing it. As a young wife, I have realized both by knowledge and by experience that nagging never works on the contrary it produces a counter-effect. If you complain about something, for example a wrong habit, it is enough to mention once or twice, but repeating more than three times becomes nagging. Repeating the information does not necessarily mean he has gotten the message, in fact, he may be interpreting it as something else.

Let us look at a practical scenario. Cheryl’s husband Brianlikes to use the guest toilet anytime he is in the living room, cool, but he often forgets to close the door after using the place. This does not augur well with Cheryl as she envisages that as visitors enter their apartment the first thing they would cite is the restroom if the door is left open. So Cherylcomplains as often as Brian leaves the door open which is frequent. Cheryl is genuinely unhappy about the door being left open while Brian is angry that his wife nags him ceaselessly like the Bible puts it a constant dripping of rain.

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Learn to communicate

To achieve effective result, it is better to have a light discussion on it. Instead of repetitive complaints, why not have a short light conversation about the matter in a relaxed atmosphere, perhaps after dinner, explaining why that thing should not be done that way. He would probably listen and make efforts at adjusting. So instead of Cheryl nagging her husband and working up her own emotions, she could have a light conversation with Brianabout the importance of keeping the restroom door always closed and how embarrassing it would be if for example, his friends come into the house and the first thing they sight is the lavatory in the sitting room.

Pray for him

The place of a woman’s strength is on her knees. I remember my mentor used to say this to us protégées that the place of a woman’s strength is the place of her knees, I even had it confirmed by another godly elder woman shortly after my wedding. How so true! The early days of marriage were a bit of a struggle, but I learned fast and took heed to that advice. Praying for your husband is very important. Leadership has never been an easy role, it requires wisdom; your husband needs wisdom to be your husband, he needs wisdom to be the father of your children, he needs wisdom to set the pace and see ahead. You should pray for him constantly do not wait for situations to come before you start praying. Pray for him that God will give him wisdom to make the right decisions for the family and lead the family in the right direction. Pray for him that God will give him wisdom to be a good husband to you. The prayer points are endless. In addition, pray that God will empower him financially, grant him success in his business, career, endeavors etc.

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When there are serious issues or critical decisions to make and he seems to be veering off, pray for him, that God would guide him into the right decisions. You need to pray for him, quarrelling and arguing would not achieve the desired result. You have talked to him and he seems not to want to bulk, then pray, God would get through to him; he is God’s son, He will talk to him.

Learn to follow

God placed leadership on the husband, it takes trust for a follower to follow through. You need to trust the leadership of your husband. After praying trust him to make the right decisions, in small matters as well as big matters. He may not do things exactly the way you would have done them, but respect and accept the way he does them. Maybe you like to load the washer in a particular way and he has another accept the way he does his. Infact, that is the way to live peaceably with people you learn to respect their choices and judgments.


It is important that you have mentors, authorities that you both are submitted to. It is conventionally said that marriage is between two and that there should not be a third party. However, that does not apply to godly mentors and spiritual authority. There should be someone that you both are accountable to, that can correct and call you to order. They can help to talk to the husband and perhaps help him see things from another perspective or from a holistic point of view.

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